Available for Use

I went to Panama a few years ago on a Brio Missions Trip. One of the biggest things I took away from that trip was that God is ready to use us if we're just willing to tell Him, "I'm available." I am available, and I've told Him that. I want to be used by Him; I'm open to whatever that means (as scary as that is).

So what about leading the freshmen girls Bible study next year? When I decided to leave YoungLife and invest in ACF, I told God, "I'm available. I'm ready to invest in ACF, whatever that means." I didn't expect a title, I just knew that I wanted to truly invest and be used in the lives of the people around me. The timing of me leaving YoungLife was a total God-thing. I literally went from not even considering leaving YL to knowing without a doubt that I was to do so within four days. Crazy. Though I didn't know if I'd have a title, I did. A week after I decided to leave YL, nom.com. asked me to be Social Chair for ACF. "OK. Wherever You want me, God. I'm open. This will probably be a good fit for me." Then, right before the ACF picnic, I was asked to lead the freshmen girls Bible study.

A few people had mentioned to me, "Kate, have you ever thought about leading a Bible study?" and I gave them all the same answer: I don't necessarily think that leading a Bible study is where my gifts are. I'll pray about it though; I'm open. They were never official people, yet they were people I respect and took their thoughts seriously. When Laura asked me, I thought this must be something God wants me to do....she was the fourth person to mention it to me and she's "official". The problem? I'd lead with Casey. Not that Casey's a problem, but our personalities often clash - big time. Clashing personalities and upper-classmen drama is not something that ever needs to be brought into leadership and Bible study, especially with freshmen.

What do I do? Casey and I got together today to talk about it. She doesn't think there's anyway we could work. We always end up frustrated with each other and arguing. We get along best when we don't spend constant time together. But the more I think about it, the more I want to lead. I'm still praying - asking God to be "abundantly clear" in His desire for this study. Casey really wants to lead, and has wanted to for a few months now. I want to build relationships with these girls and be a part of plugging them into the fellowship that has been such a blessing to me over the past two years. Obviously, I was never dying to be a Bible study leader, but again, I'm open. And since being asked, I've been really encouraged by a few people about my gifts and how they can be used in that freshmen study setting.

I don't understand (told you it was a theme...) why Casey and I would be asked to lead together. It's no secret that we don't get along that well - too much history. And why me? I didn't even go to the Bible Study Leaders Training...other girls did, and they'd be just as usable....

I'm available, I just need to be really open. I need wisdom.